Saturday, October 10, 2009

Cat Bauer: An American in Venice "Gone Taliban"

(UPDATE: IT IS NOW NOVEMBER 15, 2016, AND DONALD TRUMP HAS JUST BEEN ELECTED THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I again repeat that I stand by everything I wrote in this post seven years ago, before Trump ever existed. The dark forces, which include Sara Jane Boyers and my former landlords, Paola Bortoluzzi, Gianni Benetta and Roberto Benetta, existed even before Obama was elected president, and exist until this day.)

(Venice, Italy) Yesterday, to celebrate John Lennon's birthday and my second novel, Harley's Ninth -- which takes place on a single day, October 9th -- I tried to get into my apartment so I could put my new Venetian flag back on my balcony. My flag you see there in the photo (which was shot without my knowledge or permission for the Hotel Rialto's publicity brochure) has been stolen. I made three attempts to enter:

1. By changing the lock. This did not work because The Opposition has replaced the lock with a Devil Lock, an evil contraption which, probably, has double bolts, plus a steel bar that runs floor-to-ceiling, plus must be opened on the inside with a key.

2. In Venice, when you are locked out without a key, the official way to get back inside is by calling the Fire Department. I already tried this back in June. The Fire Department came, but because the illegal eviction has been signed by a judge, they had to obey the court order, not me.

Since then, I have built a strong case about the illegality of the eviction with shocking results, all leading back to one place: the American military presence in Vicenza. It has been like ripping up crab grass -- the tentacles are everywhere.


Press the Pause Button, take a deep breath and
use reason.

The situation is too serious and broad-reaching to make hasty decisions.
If my rights as an American citizen and a long-time Venetian resident have been stripped away, the world is in immediate, profound danger. YOU ARE INTERRUPTING MY BLOG. It is like the old days when the television would interrupt regular programming to broadcast an emergency situation.

2. (cont'd) On September 29th, I went in person to the Fire Department in Dorsoduro. I rang the bell and walked into the office. In front of three firemen, I began my story:

Cat: I am Catherine Bauer, and I live at San Polo --
Fireman Behind the Desk: We know who you are. Look.

He indicated a large handwritten sign dated September 11th, hanging in plain view on the wall, that basically said:


Cat: (gasping) It cannot get more illegal! Out of everyone in Venice, if I, Cat Bauer, call, you are not to respond? What if there is a fire?

Fireman: The Carabinieri at San Zaccaria told us not to respond. You have to talk to them.

Cat: I have tried to talk to them. In fact, on September 11th I tried to denounce my landlady, Paola Bortoluzzi, for physically assaulting me on September 2nd in front of three Carabinieri, but after waiting for an hour and a half, they said they could not do it. So, I went to the Carabinieri in Padua and denounced her there. I think I should go back to Padua.

(NOTE: in Italy there is something called arresto in flagranza, which states that an arrest is mandatory when a law enforcement officer witnesses the commission of a crime.)

(NOTE: if you have read my eviction documents you will see the Carabinieri tried to force me into the hospital back on August 7, 2008 and I reported immediately)

So, off I trotted to Padua, and the Carabinieri there did, indeed, write up the denunciation. All of Venice is sick of this story, including the Fire Department, and including most of the Carabinieri at San Zaccaria. Also, Meran (a town up in the Alps, where this story sometimes moves) is sick of it. In fact, I think all of Northeast Italy is getting tired of this story, in which I play but a tiny part, the size of an ant. They are only following orders.

 Judging by the way the Americans are treating me, I can only conclude they are at the head of this monster -- or at least they have the power to change its direction. Nice way to treat your own citizen, huh? Many times I've thought that my life is in danger, and I am not the only one. Well, they will either kill me or they won't. I'm a great believer in Quantum Theory, so I am not that worried about dying, especially if it is the spark that is needed to light the raging fire.

With that background, yesterday the Venetians (you have to understand that 90% of Venice knows this story) said to call and tell the Fire Department that I was cooking and left the gas on and thought I smelled smoke. Now, in Venetian terms, this is not considered lying because everyone in the entire city knows it is not true. So, I called 115 and told the Fire Department: "This is Catherine Bauer, San Polo 622. I am so stupid that I was cooking and I ran outside without my key, and I think I left the gas on, and I think I smell a fire inside my apartment."

They said they were coming. Yay!

I waited on Riva del Vin. I waited and waited. And they did come, quietly, one light blinking, but they could not stop. Then they came again, sirens screaming, wailing, causing all sorts of waves and gondolas bouncing and water splashing all over the tourists. THANKS, GUYS!

3. Did this stop Cat Bauer? No way, Jose. Next, I decided I needed a really tall ladder because when they changed the locks they cracked open a window on the Grand Canal side of my apartment. The only way you can enter is in front The Entire City of Venice -- there is no sneaking in that window. Since I am convinced there is no legal reason for me to be out of my apartment, I had no fear about walking up a very tall ladder.

By this time, the atmosphere at Rialto was sort of like Carnival, and this is something the Americans, French and British will never understand. Everyone was grabbing ladders out of magazzinos, getting in the spirit. But none were tall enough. Finally I found some construction guys with a really tall ladder. In broad daylight, they carried the ladder right down Riva del Vin and up to my window. Yay! But then, at the last minute, while I ran to get the pole for my Venetian flag, they were warned not to do it and they left. I was so close!

Then some police passed by and I stopped them. I said, can you please explain to me why I cannot go inside my apartment when I have done everything legally and Paola Bortoluzzi and Gianni Benetta, the landlords, have done nothing legally? We were joined by three more polizia and I passed around my documents. They said, "It is a matter for the judge." I said, "Well, I am out on the street now for four months. How long do you think it will take to see the judge? To me, it is an emergency situation."

To finally arrive at the topic of this blog, "Gone Taliban" is my way of explaining to Europeans the meaning of "Going Postal," which means nothing over here because postal workers don't get guns and start blowing everyone's heads off. Seriously, it takes all my willpower everyday to restrain myself from doing something illegal simply to go to jail, get a lawyer and tell my story officially.

Example of a conversation I had recently at a sophisticated event:

Cat: I think they even deliberately infected my foot at the hospital.
Very Intelligent Woman: Oh, yes. I heard they were doing that now.
Cat: (sipping prosecco) Yeah, and then a woman named Martina shoved a piece of glass into the festering wound during a pedicure.

In the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, Hugh Gusterson writes "Why the War in Afghanistan Cannot be Won" (September 21, 2009):

"...This all may sound good in the airtight world of White House briefings but, in the real world, the very phenomena the counterinsurgency gurus see leading to success--more troops and more development--will make the U.S. effort fail. Counterinsurgency in Afghanistan contains within itself the seeds of its own ineluctable failure.
This is so for three reasons--(1) Newton's Third Law, (2) the development dilemma, and (3) the prohibitionist paradox."
Hauntingly, Gusterson explains exactly what is happening in Venice, even though he is writing about Afghanistan.

...more U.S. soldiers, dressed like armadillos in sunglasses, will intrude into Afghan daily life with their alien clothes, speech, and body language.

To read his entire article, click below, which I strongly suggest you do, and strongly suggest that you follow his links:

The Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists

UPDATE: AUGUST 23, 2016 - I have not read this post in a very long time, but it keeps popping up in my analytics. I am now checking the links, which -- to no surprise -- some of which no longer function. As of this day, August 23, 2016, I stand by everything I wrote back on October 9, 2009, nearly seven years ago.

One link will lead you to Nicholas D. Kristoff at the New York Times (August 23, 2016 - this link is ok -- you should read it to remember what Obama was up against):

"President Obama has already dispatched an additional 21,000 American troops to Afghanistan and soon will decide whether to send thousands more. That would be a fateful decision for his presidency, and a group of former intelligence officials and other experts is now reluctantly going public to warn that more troops would be a historic mistake."

Click to read the entire article: New York Times 

Gusteron also quotes Jean MacKenzie:

"More importantly, every time the United States increases its development budget in Afghanistan, it also increases the Taliban's budget. This is because a major source of Taliban funding consists of taxes it levies on Western development projects. The more schools, bridges, and clinics Washington builds, the more money the Taliban will have to blow them up and to attack U.S. soldiers. This dynamic is illuminated in a fascinating article (UPDATE AUGUST 23, 2016 - PAGE NOT FOUND) by Jean MacKenzie, writing for GlobalPost. (And why aren't the mainstream media writing about this?) MacKenzie tells her readers about "the manager of an Afghan firm with lucrative construction contracts with the U.S. government" who has to negotiate not only with development bureaucrats but also with the Taliban contracts officer. He "builds in a minimum of 20 percent for the Taliban in his cost estimates. The manager, who will not speak openly, has told friends privately that he makes in the neighborhood of $1 million per month. Out of this, $200,000 is siphoned off for the insurgents." She mentioned another Afghan contractor who told her, "I was building a bridge. . . . The local Taliban commander called and said, 'Don't build a bridge there, we'll have to blow it up.' I asked him to let me finish the bridge, collect the money--then they could blow it up whenever they wanted. We agreed, and I completed my project."

In case that link doesn't work, here it is again:

Funding the Afghan Taliban 

I decided to win the battle and not the war, so I placed my new Venetian flag on the magazzino and wrote "PROPERTY OF CAT BAUER" all over it. The police told me I could make a protest, and that is my protest. If anyone steals my flag, I am going to call the police.

My cellphone was stolen late last night, so in case anyone is trying to call me, that is why I am not answering. And, remember, too, that my American passport has been stolen and the United States Consul in Milano has hung up the phone on me.

All prayers welcome,

Catherine Cat Bauer
Venetian Cat - Venice Blog


  1. Does this mean you're roaming the calles in a burkha now? I am sure you rock it ; )


  2. Christopher, you are too funny. Actually, most of my clothes are inside, so I am roaming the calli in summer clothes, freezing, and, at this point, would welcome a burka. That is why I illustrated the blog with a Venetian bauta, which is sort of similar to a burka.

    The Ufficiale Giudiziario (who, remember, entered my house WITHOUT AN OFFICIAL DOCUMENT) kept telling me I had to take all my belongings or nothing. This same conversation has been spinning for months now. I said, WHO IS MAKING THESE RULES? Where is the legal rule that says I must take everything or nothing?

  3. I'm in such shock about all you are going through...I wish there was something I could do...My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!

  4. Finally! The police just called and made an appointment to see me tomorrow morning. For all you Donna Leon fans, I will be going to the real-life police station where the fictional Inspector Brunetti works:)

  5. Good luck! Sneding good thoughts your way ; )

  6. I have my fingers crossed that your situation will be resolved soon...!

  7. do not believe anything this woman says. she has gone insane - and i don't mean this in a mean way, but in a real life "lost her mind" way. she accuses everyone she runs across for whatever comes to her mind, steals from her friends that are kind enough to give her shelter. she is not to be trusted and everyone that knows her in real life agrees that she needs professional help.

    i know you'll just go berzerk if you read this cat, but stop for a second and in your poor psycho soul rest and see what happened to yourself. this is not the way a normal human being acts.

    and you should also start writing the TRUTH in your blog, enough with all the lies. god sees everything cat. he sees everything.

  8. Far from going berzerk (sic) Anonymous, I will calmly NOT delete your comment so everyone can see what kind of character defamation I am being subjected to. Please state your name, and the names of the friends I have stolen from, together with dates, times and places of the alleged offenses.

    After my illegal eviction on June 10, 2009, I can tell you exactly where I slept every single night, including the nights I was forced to sleep on the street. After I arrived back in Venice from Meran on July 17th, I spent most nights in youth hostels, which I had to pay for with no income, just cash handouts from my REAL friends. Many nights Cleopatra and went hungry.

    In Merano, on July 5 through the evening of July 8, I stayed at the house of MICHAEL RASCHER, who I have since denounced. I had to call the Carabinieri to have Cleopatra returned to me. On the night of July 8, I stayed at the Imperial hotel in Room 34. On July 9 through the morning of July 13, I stayed with a woman whose initials are H.B. On the night of July 13, I stayed at the house of Elfie Margraf. On July 14, I had to have the police arrive at Elfie's house in order to have Cleopatra ONCE AGAIN returned to me. That same evening, I was voluntarily taken by ambulance, called by the Polizia, to the emergency room in Meran where I was interviewed by a psychiatrist and given a document that said I was sane, did not take drugs and drank moderately. It also said I was under extreme social pressure. That night Elfie paid for me to stay at the Kolping Hotel in Room 309, across the street from her house. About 10PM she called and told me that Cleopatra had magically reappeared.

    The next night, July 15, I stayed again at the Imperial, in Room 34.

    On July 16, I used the last of my funds (except for train fare) to check into a youth hostel and prepare a 4-page denuncia with 34 attachments, which I filed with the Polizia on the morning of July 17, 2009. That same evening, when I arrived in Venice, I found the locks on the main door to my apartment building changed, together with the locks at St. George's Church, both locations with my possessions inside. That night, I stayed in the Hotel Rialto, apparently for gratis. The next night, July 18, 2009, Cleopatra and I slept outside in Campo San Vio because the Chaplain of the Anglican Church, John Henry Bowden, refused to let us inside and we were now completely without money. The next morning, July 19, 2009, John Henry Bowden slammed the side door of the church on my right arm and leg, and held me pinned for about 10-15 minutes.

    Do you want me to continue, ANONYMOUS????

  9. So I don't get it - it is winter in Venice...aqua alta, etc. Are you still sleeping in the campos? Can't your publisher help you? Your agent? Don't you have a publicist you can call? (I'm serious).

  10. No, Anonymous, I am not sleeping in the campo, but in a tiny, dark ground-floor apartment with an electric heater and a one-burner hot plate. I don't know what people have been told in America, or even if my emails reach them, but almost no one responds to me. Thank goodness Google and Facebook exist, or no one would know what is happening.